Tuesday, June 14, 2016

How I Saved My Marriage

Divorce is a difficult prospect.  Actually staring down the barrel of an impending divorce is terrifying.  So many thoughts plague your mind.  The uncertainty, the despair, and the pain can overtake you and leave you in a state of emotional paralysis.  “How did we get here?  Is this our only option? Once upon a time, we were really good.  We did love each other, right?  Yes, we still love each other.  Why can’t we make this work? This place though is just too hard and neither of us knows how to fix what’s wrong. I’m just tired of fighting.  I’m sick of trying.  I’m tired of being in pain.  I just want to start over. I need peace. Obviously, we weren’t meant to last forever.”
Early on in our marriage, before we even had our first child, we had taken one another through so much.  We married long before we should have.  Young and naïve, we had all the wrong ideas about how to make marriage work for both of us.  And any good ideas we may have had, we weren’t sure about how to properly implement those ideas.  After several crazy years, full of love, mistakes, struggle, and blame, our marriage was over.  We just didn’t like or trust each other much.  So, what’s the point of forcing it?  The divorce papers had been signed by me.  The only thing that was left was to mail them to my husband to get his signature.
I’m so glad that the Lord had other plans for us.  He touched our hearts and made us believe for just a minute (at the same time) that there was some way to salvage– to restore our marriage.  Over time, a great deal of time, He brought us back from the brink of divorce.  It was not easy. It was not overnight. There was no quick-fix. Getting back “on track” was probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.   
All those years ago though, at just 24 years old, I knew it was over.  I knew that there was just no way to put the pieces back together.  No one alive could’ve told me that there was any hope for us.  No one could have told me that there were steps that we could take, if we were both willing to try and to remain dedicated to one another.  Sadly, there was no one around to encourage me, to speak blessings over my marriage, or to lead me to the Lord for guidance.
Well, with God’s grace, we made it through that storm.  I saved my marriage by believing that God could restore us, despite all the awful pain and trauma.  I saved my marriage by ignoring popular opinion that said, “Yeah, just let it go.  You've gone as far as you can. It wasn’t meant to be.”  I saved my marriage by asking, “Lord, what should I do now?”  I saved my marriage by having faith that God’s promises are true and that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 
We have been tested by fire.  Today, we’re stronger than ever.  We hold on tighter to one another in the storms. Is it always easy?  No, but it’s worth it.  Are we perfect? No.  Is our marriage perfect?  Of course not.  We do, however, share deep love and respect for one another.  We enjoy laughing, talking, and being silly together. Now, we realize that every argument or disagreement isn’t fatal.  Now, I know how important it is to let love dictate my response to my husband and to any difficulty we face.  Lord, thank you for saving my marriage.
Despite the 50% US divorce rate, there are couples who have made it back from the brink of divorce.  There are other couples whose marriages have been saved.   If you're willing to try, there are steps to work toward reconciliation.  Below are a few interesting stories/articles that I hope will inspire anyone who believes that there is no way that their marriage can be saved. 

“7 Steps to Fix a Broken Marriage on the Brink of Divorce” by Dr. David B. Hawkins http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/doctor-david/7-ways-to-save-a-marriage-on-the-brink-of-divorce-11604471.html

“Unexpected Ways That Only You Can Save Your Marriage “as told by Leigh Newman”

My book, The Blessed Woman Endeavor is available on Amazon.
My book, You Really Do Deserve Me is available on Amazon.

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Thank you. Blessings & love!

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